Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
