Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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