remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
