yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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