I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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