just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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