By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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