New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
