God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
