Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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