He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
