Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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