My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
