the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
