Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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