I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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