i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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