And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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