fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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