Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
