My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
