She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's great music for shaving your balls
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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