The maid of honor just puked.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
