Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
