I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
