I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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