I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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