someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just saw a hot homeless man
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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