Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
