he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So vagazzling was a success
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
