I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
