I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
