meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We need to rekindle our bromance
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think my moral compass just broke
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