My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
