i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
