seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
