Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Will you blow on my dice?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
