I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
