you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
