They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
