I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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