Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize