There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
