All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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