i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Your cock deserves a montage
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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