Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
