there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
