after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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