Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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