remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
