The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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