You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dignity is for republicans.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
