we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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