8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
