Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize