i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
