he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
