I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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