All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
