and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
